Research Korner: Free Essay Editing

A) 5 E-mails samples enclosed   (Attached sample e-mail 1) From: Shipping - Teleshop Ltd[SMTP:SHIPPING@TELESHOPLTD.COM] Sent: Thursday, May 08, 2008 10:48:26 AM To: info.china Subject: re:quoto the price frm Ningbo to north port, phillippines by 20' Auto forwarded by a Rule    	 		 		 		 		Teleshop Limited 		 		(Comet Group) 		 		(OEM 		Manufacturer and Exporter of As seen on TV and Novelty products) 		 		Unit 		1118 - 1119 Metro Centre II, 21 Lam Hing Street, Kowloon Bay, Hong Kong.  		 		(Tel.: 		(852) 2872 8086  		 		 		Ê 		Fax.: 		(852) 2855 8511.*: 		 		 		shipping@teleshopltd.com 		 		 		We Can't Spell S_ccess Without "U" 	 Dear Sir/ Madam pls quoto the best price of captioned shpt & advise shipment schedule end ofMay If you required any further information please let us know. Thank you With best regards Polly (Shipping Dept.) This e-mail message is intended for  the addressee(s) and contains information that may be confidential. If you are not the intended recipient please do not read, save, forward, disclose, or copy the contents of this e-mail. If this e-mail has been sent to you in error, please delete this e-mail.                             (Attached sample e-mail 2) 发件人: wing.jim@panalpina.com [mailto:wing.jim@panalpina.com] 发送时间: 2008年8月5日 12:28 收件人: HKG Jim Wing 主题: BL   <BL NO:  HKG769453   SHIPPER:   GUANGZHOU JIANHAO HEADWEAR MFG.LTD   ********************************   #22 LIYE ROAD DONGCHONG TOWN PANYU   <PANTAINER BILL OF LADING DRAFT>   GUANGDONG PROVINCE P.R.CHINA         ********************************                                          EXPORT REF:   CONSIGNEE:   AMERICA LTDA   AVDA PAJARITOS 3051 ST   MAIPU-SANTIAGO CHILE  NOTIFY:  SAME AS CONSIGNEE  PRE-CARRIAGE BY:     PLACE OF RECEIPT:                                             PANALPINA CHILE TRANSPORTES   VESSEL:VOY85116E     PORT OF LOADING:     MUNDIALES LTDA.  ANDREAS                HONG KONG            CATEDRAL 1009, PISO 14 PO Box   PORT OF DISCHARGE:   PLACE OF DELIVERY:   292-V   VALPARAISO / CHILE                        SANTIAGO CHILE   MARKS AND NUMBERS   QUANT PACKAGE  DESCRIPTION OF GOODS     G.WEIGHT   ---------------------------------------------------------------------------   Thanks/Regards, Wing Jim Document Processing Export-Ocean (Various), Bussiness Unit HKG Top Floor, ATL Logistics Center B, Berth 3, Kwai Chung, Hong Kong  Direct:    +852   27602758                   Fax:       +852   21954825                         (Attached sample e-mail 3)   From: PAC Rueble Antje On Behalf Of PAC Frommherz Thomas Sent: Friday, July 25, 2008 22:32 To: All Regional CEO; ALL Regional Heads of Operations; ALL Regional Heads Marketing & Sales; All Regional Heads of Procurement Airfreight; All Regional Heads of Finance; All Finance Managers; AMEC All Head of Operations; APAC All Head of Operations; NORAM All Area Heads of Operations; LATAM Head of OPs Area; Europe All Area Heads of Operation; CN-TW All Head of Operations; AMEC All Head of Marketing & Sales; APAC All Head of Marketing & Sales; NORAM All Heads of Marketing & Sales; LATAM All Heads of Marketing & Sales; RC CN-TW Reiter Robert; All Managing Directors WW; PAC Europe All Heads Of Marketing & Sales Cc: PAC Moeckli Renate; PAC Frommherz Thomas; PAC Krieg Mike; PAC Frei Robert; PAC PAO Baumgartner Peter; PAC PAO Meier Wolfgang; PAC PAO Frommenwiler Andreas; PAC PAO Lutz Daniel; PAC Weilbaecher Stefan; PAC Wieringa Ferwin; PAC Claessens Peter; PAC Hoffman Steve; STR Ouissi Sandra; PAC Denk Guenther; PAC Schmiedel Ulrich; PAC Wiesel Gesine; PAC Soukmandjiev Kaloian; PAC Fusco Evelina; PAC Ciello Pasquale; PAC Stebler Urs Jr.; PAC Jahn Uwe Subject: Gateway Fee   Dear Stefan,   Thank you!   Best regards, Thomas Frommherz                            (Attached smaple e-mail 4) From: logisticsbriefing@transportintelligence.com] Sent: Friday, August 29, 2008 3:37 AM To: HKG Kwong Eric Subject: Major fraud uncovered at Schenker in Belgium Dear Eric, Compliance officers from the anti-corruption team of parent company Deutsche Bahn (DB) are investigating incorrect accruals allegedly going back several years and involving tens of millions of euros. According to some media reports, those sums are as large as €40-50m, based on initial estimates. Schenker NV comprises operations in seven Belgian locations, with its main office being in Antwerp. DB chief compliance officer Wolfgang Schaupensteiner said: "Management personnel in Antwerp have to explain to us what happened to unaccounted amounts in the double-digit millions, in a case that took place over a longer period of time." The issue is an embarrassment for DB, occurring just months before the company's planned IPO (Initial Public Offering) which will involve the flotation of approximately 25% of the stock of its rail (passenger and freight) and logistics subsidiary DB Mobility Logistics AG. According to DB, the incident is already fully reflected in DB Mobility Logistics' figures for the first half of 2008. Norbert Bensel, head of DB Schenker, which is responsible for the Transportation and Logistics division of DB Mobility Logistics, stated that: "Our customers are not affected in any way by the damages that were incurred. We stand for zero tolerance, regardless of the function, status or position of the person concerned within the organisation." DB Schenker spokesmen said the role of specific individuals in the fraud was still being investigated. However, media reports suggest that Schenker Deutschland's head of finance, who is also responsible for Belgium, will leave the company at the end of August. Such a move would follow a number of senior executive changes in the organisation over the last few months. In July, it was announced that effective September 1, Hansjoerg Rodi would take over as CEO and chairman of the board of Schenker Deutschland, replacing Hans-Joerg Hager, who left the company at the end of June. Meanwhile, at Schenker AG, Thomas Lieb was promoted to chairman of the board, on July 1, while also remaining responsible for the air and ocean freight divisions, as well as for the Asia Pacific and America regions. With best regards, Andreas Wolff Transport Intelligence Ltd Brinkworth House, Brinkworth Wiltshire, SN15 5DF United Kingdom Tel: +44 (0)1793 850 025 Fax: +44 (0)870 460 2165           (Attached sample e-mail 5) From: HKG Yip Patrick Sent: Thursday, August 21, 2008 5:28 PM To: MOW Minkina Katja Cc: HKG Tam Fanny Subject: According to our phone conversation, we're still waiting comment from shpr.   Patrick Yip Supervisor - Customer Service Export Oceanfreight, Hong Kong Business Unit, Panalpina China Ltd. Top Floor ATL Logistics Centre B Berth 3 Kwai Chung Container Terminal, Hong Kong Phone: +852 27602600 Direct Line :  +852 27602472 Direct Fax : +852  21954890 E-mail : patrick.yip@panalpina.com               B) The major drawbacks for each e-mail   Business communications are including, person meeting, phone conversation, voice mail, fax and e-mail, yet e-mail is nowadays the most common way to supplement traditional forms in business communication. However, e-mails lacks of the nonverbal communication that no tone or body language to make us understand each other. It depends on what and how you use words through the writing.  Here below are some major drawbacks for each above enclosed e-mail samples: Mistake for sample e-mail 1: - Not re-reading before you hit 'send' The sample 1 got the grammatical mistake in spelling. By reading the e-mail over before sending out, it can be caught and corrected all sorts of mistakes before they get to the recipient and possibly create a bad impression of company   Mistake for sample e-mail 2: - Lack of a clear request Sample 2, it seems to be a kind of information that for recipient reference. However, it’s just pasted on the email content but no any clear requests in email. "Is it an FYI or do I need to do something?" Senders should be clearly defined and have a timeframe attached to recipient or any necessary information.  If email isn't a request then it’d better to label it an FYI. Mistake for sample e-mail 3: - CC to the world Courtesy copy (cc) others. This leads not only to traffic jams in others' in-boxes, but in the worst case, defamation, and in the best case, hurt feelings. When writing e-mail, only cc those parties that are directly related to the situation or email message. For the case in sample 4, it’s just a word of Thank you. It doesn’t need to cc to all people.   Mistake for sample e-mail 4: - Assuming people have time to read your entire message Sample 5, writing content is too long, to be most effective, whenever possible, e-mail messages should contain all the most pertinent and important data in the first paragraph. Most of us have a short attention when reading from screen and if we know where the message is going, it's easy to save time and move onto the next message without having read the nugget of information buried in the last paragraph. It should keep emails as short as possible. Of course, this is not to mean to cut messages. But it should write something necessary and appropriate. It is more important for business emails to be succinct. Mistake for sample e-mail 5: - Forgetting about the importance of etiquette Sample 3 which is missing the appropriate opening and closing. No matter how rushed  on you, to create a positive impression by using an opening and closing (for example, Dear Miss Katja or Regards, Patrick Yip), using a clear and descriptive subject line are essential in email. C) Good practice of e-mail writing Here below are some important rules of email etiquette on business communication finding out from internet 1.      A first impression is lasting: E-mail's ease of use has allowed us a bit of leeway in our day-to-day communication. Nonetheless you should ensure you have checked your spelling and grammar. Particularly in business messages - you want to build a trust with people and make them feel confident about your attention to detail, etc. (http://www.businessofemail.com/e_article000166223.cfm)   2.      Say it in the subject line: Have a short meaningful subject line – something that will give the recipient the ability to act on it in a timely manner, or prioritise it. (http://www.businessofemail.com/e_article000166223.cfm) 3.      Reply quickly to e-mails:  E-mail raises expectations for immediate action – try to reply as quickly as merits the e-mail. In the piles of missives, it’s easy to forget what your original message was, so quote a *part* of the sender's message in your reply e-mail, so they can be reminded what you're responding to. (http://www.businessofemail.com/e_article000166223.cfm) 4.      Never send uninvited attachments: Unless it’s a business colleague whom you’ve already corresponded with, and know what they can receive, ask intended recipients whether they accept attachments, and in what format. For one thing, you don't know if the recipient has the same software or even computer platform to accept your missives. Viruses are a serious issue, and attachments are a popular way to deliver them. Outside e-mails with attachments are often simply deleted in many businesses. (http://www.businessofemail.com/e_article000166223.cfm) 5.      Respect cultural differences: We live in a globalised world now; you must remember cultural differences and respect the customs of international clients. Respect your colleagues and business contacts: be formal in e-mails until you are confident that it is appropriate to adopt a more casual tone where appropriate. It's good practice to avoid informal writing that may offend, such as slang, bad language and nicknames. (http://www.businessofemail.com/e_article000166223.cfm) 6.      Don't e-mail when you're angry: It’s easy to misinterpret the 'tone' of an e-mail message. If you receive an e-mail that makes you see red, wait 24 hours before responding. Give the sender the benefit of the doubt, and respond in a courteous manner. More often than not the person did not intend to sound as harsh or off-putting as their message came across. (http://www.businessofemail.com/e_article000166223.cfm) 7.      Go easy on the CC, BCC and ‘Reply to all’: Don’t trap people on CC (carbon copy) lists, unless there is a protocol in your company on recipients. Review who should be copied, and who can do without. BCC (blind carbon copy) can be used for inappropriate reasons, such as copying in a boss, unbeknownst to a colleague. Think about using this e-mail function before using it. Also, don’t get trapped in the ‘reply to all’ – without paying attention you could think you are replying to one person on the list, but the selection of 'reply to all' means it goes out to everyone on the original CC list (can be a real ooops! - more often just unnecessary e-mails.)… (http://www.businessofemail.com/e_article000166223.cfm) 8.      Don't always use e-mail for your messages: With so many communication methods now available to us, it's important to remember to select the right one to convey your message. Face-to-face meetings have the most impact and e-mail has the narrowest communications bandwidth (no voice inflection, tone, etc.). It's hard enough to communicate successfully under the best of circumstances; an important or sensitive message should be done face to face. (http://www.businessofemail.com/e_article000166223.cfm) 9.     Keep Emails Short Long emails can look intimidating, and a long sequence of long paragraphs, possibly including long run-on sentences that do not seem to stop but do not seem to go anywhere either — sentences filled with extraneous words that add little to the meaning but serve to confuse with multifaceted and sometimes conflicting possible interpretations —, can make the recipient read less than if the message had been only, uh, about 3 sentences — three witty, concise and precise sentences — long. (http://email.about.com/od/emailnetiquette/tp/core_netiquette.htm) 10.  Punctuation Matters; in Emails Too Comma, colon, hyphen and semicolon — all exist for a reason: they make it easier to understand the intended meaning of a sentence.  How you say a sentence can carry a lot of its meaning. Which words you emphasize and when you briefly stop often alters the message expressed completely. In writing, punctuation carries much of this suggested interpretation of the mere words. If you omit it completely, alter it or place punctuation marks sloppily, the reader can be puzzled or, without much pondering, misinterpret misinterpret what you write all too easily. (http://email.about.com/od/emailnetiquette/tp/core_netiquette.htm) 11.  Writing in All Caps is Like Shouting When you write in all capital letters, this looks (and maybe sounds) to the recipient as if you were shouting. It is a strong effect, and it should remain one. Not only would it mean little when she shouted, it is also more difficult to understand somebody who shouts. Similarly, text in upper case is significantly more difficult to read than lower and mixed case text. (http://email.about.com/od/emailnetiquette/tp/core_netiquette.htm)   D) 5-e-mails rewriting   (Re-write e-mail 1) From: Shipping - Teleshop Ltd[SMTP:SHIPPING@TELESHOPLTD.COM] Sent: Thursday, May 08, 2008 10:48:26 AM To: info.china Subject: re:quoto the price frm Ningbo to north port, phillippines by 20' Auto forwarded by a Rule    	 		 		 		 		Teleshop Limited 		 		(Comet Group) 		 		(OEM 		Manufacturer and Exporter of As seen on TV and Novelty products) 		 		Unit 		1118 - 1119 Metro Centre II, 21 Lam Hing Street, Kowloon Bay, Hong Kong.  		 		(Tel.: 		(852) 2872 8086  		 		 		Ê 		Fax.: 		(852) 2855 8511.*: 		 		 		shipping@teleshopltd.com 		 		 		We Can't Spell S_ccess Without "U" 	 Dear Sir/ Madam Kindly please quote the best price of captioned shpt & advise the shipment schedule Up to the end of May If you need any further information, please let us know. Thank you With best regards Polly Shipping Dept. This e-mail message is intended for  the addressee(s) and contains information that may be confidential. If you are not the intended recipient please do not read, save, forward, disclose, or copy the contents of this e-mail. If this e-mail has been sent to you in error, please delete this e-mail.    (Re-write e-mail 2) 发件人: HKG Jim Wing 发送时间: 2008年8月5日 12:28 收件人: Joeman_szeto@netvigator.com 主题: BL information attached                Dear Miss Szeto,   Kindly please find the below shipment pre-advice for your reference. please check and if you have any question or problem foresaid shipment, please don’t hesitate to contact me, thank you.   <BL NO:  HKG769453   SHIPPER:   GUANGZHOU JIANHAO HEADWEAR MFG.LTD   ********************************   #22 LIYE ROAD DONGCHONG TOWN PANYU   <PANTAINER BILL OF LADING DRAFT>   GUANGDONG PROVINCE P.R.CHINA         ********************************   EXPORT REF:   CONSIGNEE:   AMERICA LTDA   AVDA PAJARITOS 3051 ST   MAIPU-SANTIAGO CHILE  NOTIFY:  SAME AS CONSIGNEE  PRE-CARRIAGE BY:     PLACE OF RECEIPT:                                             PANALPINA CHILE TRANSPORTES   VESSEL:VOY85116E     PORT OF LOADING:     MUNDIALES LTDA.  ANDREAS                HONG KONG            CATEDRAL 1009, PISO 14 PO Box   PORT OF DISCHARGE:   PLACE OF DELIVERY:   292-V   VALPARAISO / CHILE                        SANTIAGO CHILE   MARKS AND NUMBERS   QUANT PACKAGE  DESCRIPTION OF GOODS     G.WEIGHT   --------------------------------------------------------------------------- Thanks/Regards, Wing Jim Document Processing Export-Ocean (Various), Bussiness Unit HKG Top Floor, ATL Logistics Center B, Berth 3, Kwai Chung, Hong Kong Direct:    +852   27602758                   Fax:       +852   21954825                   (Re-write sample e-mail 3) From: PAC Rueble Antje On Behalf Of PAC Frommherz Thomas Sent: Friday, July 25, 2008 22:32 To: PAC Weilbaecher Stefan Subject: Gateway Fee   Dear Stefan,   Thank you!   Best regards, Thomas Frommherz      Re-write sample e-mail 4) From: Anonymous [mailto:logisticsbriefing@transportintelligence.com] Sent: Friday, August 29, 2008 3:37 AM To: HKG Kwong Eric Subject: Major fraud uncovered at Schenker in Belgium Dear Eric, Major fraud uncovered at Schenker in Belgium German global forwarder and logistics provider DB Schenker has discovered large-scale accounting fraud at Belgian subsidiary Schenker NV. Personnel movement occurred in the organization over the last few months. Should you want to know more details for such issue, please come to me, I’ll provide as much as I have to you. With best regards, Andreas Wolff Transport Intelligence Ltd Brinkworth House, Brinkworth Wiltshire, SN15 5DF, United Kingdom Tel: +44 (0)1793 850 025 Fax: +44 (0)870 460 2165 (Re-write e-mail 5) From: HKG Yip Patrick Sent: Thursday, August 21, 2008 5:28 PM To: MOW Minkina Katja Cc: HKG Tam Fanny Subject: shipment ref. no.: PBL068853 Dear Minkina, According to our phone conversation with ref. No. PBL068853. We're still waiting comment from shipper about the shipment. We'll keep you informed about the status. Thank you.   Patrick Yip Supervisor - Customer Service Export Oceanfreight, Hong Kong Business Unit, Panalpina China Ltd. Top Floor ATL Logistics Centre B Berth 3 Kwai Chung Container Terminal, Hong Kong Phone: +852 27602600 Direct Line :  +852 27602472 Direct Fax : +852  21954890 E-mail : patrick.yip@panalpina.com           E) How to write effective e-mails   1. Double checking before sending out message With email, it should be double check carefully with everything on the message, in order to avoid misinterpretations is to use at least some minutes of rest after finished it before sending.  Reread and reconsider the whole message of the tone, the words I used etc., possibly from the recipient's perspective.   2. Do Not Default to "Reply All" To use “Reply All: properly, when the information/reply is important to all recipients or for the original sender and all people in the original e-mail’s to and Cc field, but not every single message. Never use “Reply All” for the message in saying “Thanks” personally, except make thanking everybody via a group mail.   3. Writing email in succinct Writing business emails to be succinct, to write something is necessary and appropriate. Long-winded sentence are not necessary. Fewer, clarity and simpler words are better If having much information that should be written in email, it’d better to break the message into several points with paragraphs, to begin each point with a concise summary that you request for action taken. Do not ever stick a whole message to be one paragraph.   4. Do not write in All Caps or in red color Mostly text in caps is more difficult to read.  When writing email in all capital letters, it is so difficult to read but also looks to the recipient as if sender were shouting. Writing in red color is also rude.  It should be used all caps sparingly and use some warm color and text in lower and mixed case to make recipient read the message easily and comfortably.   5. End Emails with "Thanks always say thanks at the end of mail no matter what the situation is. To end the message with a simple "thanks" that is never out of place. What is called “civility costs nothing” It’s the proper way to sign off the message.       F) Summary in editing the e-mails   In summarizing the emails, it is only important to include the necessary facts which includes the phone conversation, the person, the voice mail and the email. Thus, it is only important to re-read the email regarding these before hitting the send button which can cause bad image in going to the clients especially in the business areas. The correction of the spelling as well as the grammar is also important in doing the business emails. The clear request is also important for the recipient of the email. The message must also be properly analyze and properly determined. The time frame must also be properly analyze and attached to the recipient in order to have the exact information needed. The Courtesy Case or (CC) are also needs to be properly determined so that there will be no hurt feeling to the recipient who is not part of the CC. The long message in email is not that good which can cause silly to the the reader. Thus, it is only important to include only the necessary information that are needed in the email in order for the reader not to read the entire email and only get the   digested and important details. Therefore, keeping the message in the simple, short, and accurate manner is important for the reader. In the business field, it is only important that the business email is succinct . The importance of etiquette is also been determined by the appropriate closing and opening. There are also no manner of rush and therefore needs to include all the necessary email etiquette as the greetings and other informations needed as the salutation and other courtesy message. There is also the importance for the first impressions that last and the neatness of the email message as well as the constructions of the paragraph needs to be properly designed. Th subject line needs also to be short yet meaningful which can give the recipient the ability in acting to the timely manner. The reply is also important for the email and to the immediate actions and the attachments therefore must be design and properly attached so that there will be no misleading to happen. This also implies that need not to send the not related attachments to the email message so that the recipient will not have the extra time in opening it. Regarding the cultural difference, it is important in living to the globalized world and respect and must be aware to the cultural differences happening to the recipient of the email and needs to adopt the more casual statement for the international clients. Thus, respecting the colleagues is also important and needs to be manage effectively. It is also an important on not to email when angry which can also cause the business email to be more effective and can hinder the neatness of the email. This means that the wrong words might occur in the email. Easily trace the CC, Reply to all, and BCC button in order to determine the exact information needed and the recipient to be send on. Therefore, this can be avoiding the wrong recipient. Do not also need to use the email always and the other means of communications are all still there which can be use by the sender and in order to avoid the excess and overuse of the email which can also be use by the other important messages and clients. Thus, the message should keep to be short and the punctuations needs to be properly used as the comma, period and exclamation point or colon.       G) Conclusion               Based on the aforementioned findings, the email messages nowadays is always important not only to the personal use but also in the business use. Thus, any company must properly trained their employees on doing the email messages properly. This will be done by acknowledging every important details into the recipients message and needs to be properly criticized and synthesize so that there will be the exact and enough information to be send on the client. This email message and corrections and formats must be analyzed critically because this is the key competencies of the company in doing business with their clients and in encouraging the client to do the business to the other with them. Thus, the details must be properly done and designed because a single mistake can cause the bad effects to the company. The recipient name and the date must also be design and done significantly because it can cause the company to be on the top due to these email messages. In line with this, the recipient and the sender must have the wide range of knowledge regarding the values and the competencies in doing the business email so that the company and the management will have the exact message to be send in their client. But, in order for the email not to be exhausted, it must be rested for a while and use other methods of communications so that the sender and the recipient will not have to received and send multiple message which can also be misleading to the person. Thus, the importance of the email nowadays is greatly been well known and needs to be properly use whether personal or for business purposes.

Editing Email

A) 5 E-mails samples enclosed (Attached sample e-mail 1) From: Shipping - Teleshop Ltd[SMTP:SHIPPING@TELESHOPLTD.COM] Sent: T...