Emotional Effects on Children after a Divorce
Introduction
Divorce or dissolution of marriage is the final termination of a marriage, canceling the legal duties and responsibilities of marriage and dissolving the bonds of matrimony between two persons. In most countries, divorce requires the sanction of a judge or other authority in a legal process to complete a divorce. The legal process for divorce may also involve issues of spousal support, child custody, child support, distribution of property and division of debt, though these matters are usually only ancillary or consequential to the dissolution of the marriage. Although there are still many countries that are against the divorce and uses annulment instead.
The Effects on Children
Children of divorced parents (those entirely from unhappy families) are reported to have a higher chance of behavioral problems than those of non-divorced parents (a mix of happy and unhappy families). Studies have also reported the former to be more likely to suffer abuse than children in intact families, and to have a greater chance of living in poverty. In fact, there is a self-report study about the positive effects of an adult who had a divorced family, and saying that the once innocent child became a good parent because of tracking down the main cause of the break-up and doing their best in avoiding divorce as a solution.
Although there are many positive things that can result from the broken family, it cannot cover-up the bad things already done. For the past years, divorce for some is just like a simple changing of clothes. They will throw away the worn out clothes and find someone new. But those parents did not consider the feelings of their children. And yes, there are feelings that can’t be pushed to the limits, for some enough is enough. We can’t take for granted the battered wife for it’s also her right to draw the line, but we can’t always assume that the kids will understand everything in just a snap. Things have to be explained to them over and over until they reach the age of having their own family.
Initial Reactions of Children to Divorce
The pain experienced by children at the beginning of a divorce is composed of: a sense of vulnerability as the family disintegrates, a grief reaction to the loss of the intact family (many children do not realize their parents’ marriage is troubled), loss of the non-custodial parent, a feeling of intense anger as the disruption of the family, and strong feelings of powerlessness. Unlike bereavement or other stressful events, it is almost unique to divorcing families that as children experience the onset of this life change, usual and customary support systems tend to dissolve, though the ignorance or unwillingness of adults to actively seek out this support for children. In addition, the reactions or emotional effects may depend on the age of the children.
The Reactions of Children in Different Group Age
Preschool (ages 3-5) children are likely to exhibit a regression of the most recent developmental milestone achieved. Additionally, sleep disturbances and an exacerbated fear of separation from the custodial parent are common. There is usually a great deal of yearning for the non-custodial parent.
Early latency (ages 6½-8) is children that will often openly grieve for the departed parent. There is a noted preoccupation with fantasies that distinguishes the reactions of this age group. Children have replacement fantasies, or fantasies that their parents will happily reunite in the not-so-distant future. Children in this developmental stage have an especially difficult time with the concept of the permanence of the divorce.
Late latency (ages 8-11) might observed the anger and a feeling of powerlessness are predominate emotional response in this age group. Like the other developmental stages, these children experience a grief reaction to the loss of their previously intact family. There is a greater tendency to label a ‘good’ parent and a ‘bad’ parent and these children are very susceptible to attempting to take care of a parent at the expense of their own needs.
Adolescence (ages 12-18) that is prone to responding to their parent’s divorce with acute depression, suicidal ideation, and sometimes violent acting out episodes. These children tend to focus on the moral issues surrounding divorce and will often judge their parents’ decisions and actions. Many adolescents become anxious and fearful about their own future love and marital relationships. However, this age group has the capability to perceive integrity in the post-divorce relationship of their parents and to show compassion for their parents without neglecting their own needs.
References:
Horn, W., (2000) Children of Divorce Usually Suffer for it, The Washington Times
Hughes, R., (2009) The Effects of Divorce on Children. University of Illinois [Online] Available at: http://parenting247.org/article.cfm?ContentID=646 [Accessed 23 October 2010].
Persaud, R., (1996) Why Divorce Is So Hard on the Children, The Daily Mail.
Wetzstein, C., (1997) 2 Studies Concur on Adverse Impact of Divorce on Kids: Abuse Found to Soar in Broken Homes, The Washington Times.
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